Life is All About You

Hello Empowered Wayers!

Welcome to all the new subscribers - I am so glad you are here. Hopefully, you have taken a minute to look around Empowered Way, dive into an article or two, and come away with a new thought, idea, or validation of your worth.

Today, I want to share a person story that illustrates how you can adopt money beliefs that aren’t even yours. When you begin to realize that you are living someone else’s beliefs (and discover they don’t resonate), what do you do next?

You start exploring your ideas and concepts about money. You begin to appreciate how you create value for others. And you don’t get caught up in the comparison game of numbers. That’s for starters…

When I hit a wall

“Why are you still working in that job?” My father’s voice was soft, but it carried a tinge of judgment. My parents had driven to San Antonio to visit, and we were sitting in the living room of our historic home, discussing my future.

I couldn’t look at him. I always turned away in the face of criticism, trying to deflect the wave of shame I felt for not measuring up. Turning away only made the shame rise up in me, choking my voice and shattering my confidence.

It was all I could do to mummer quietly, mostly to the floor, “But I enjoy it.”

That meager attempt at defending myself was crushed as soon as the words came out of my mouth. My father was a self-made man, proud of what he accomplished, and determined that his only daughter would be successful. The problem was that his definition of success was never mine.

“Just look at this place!” Now, our home was under attack, the beauty of the wood used in 1898 to build the walls being washed with the dark stain of judgment. 

I looked around our historic home and saw it through my parents’ eyes. The high ceilings and tall, narrow windows seem to accent the yards of wood that were bare, waiting to be covered in sheetrock. The different colors of paint, peeling wallpaper, and hardwood floors that dully lead into the kitchen spoke of limitation, not restoration.

Our historic home, built from trees that were hundreds of years old when they were harvested, was an uncut jewel. We saw the potential and dreamed; he saw the current reality and judged from his perspective.

Much like he was doing to me.

He was on a roll. “How are you going ever to fix this place up when you only make $10,000 a year?” 

There it was. The measuring stick of my value. The barometer by which he measured all of us, my three brothers and me. 

Looking back on this scene, almost forty years later, I can see the hidden dynamics pulling the strings of my father’s beliefs and words. I knew he grew up desperately poor because his father died in 1918 from the Spanish flu. At one point during the Great Depression, the only way that his mother could provide food for her three boys was to hope one of her relatives would bring potatoes.

He called it “the potato winter.” Imagine eating potatoes to survive. 

It was during this desperate time that they lived in an older neighborhood. Their house was built sometime in the late 1800s, and it was cold, drafty, dingy, and depressing. 

Now, looking back on that conversation about my $10,000 job, I can understand why he was so adamant that I “do something with my life.” The setting of our visit must have reminded him of those depressing days of wondering where the next meal was coming from (please, don’t let it be potatoes). His entire being opposed anyone having to experience what he did, and he was only reflecting that motivation to me.

It was all about him. I just never realized that until later.

“If you are willing to look at another person’s behavior toward you as a reflection of the state of their relationship with themselves, rather than a statement of your value as a person, then you will, over a period of time, cease to react at all.”   

- Yogi Bhahan

What I Learned

I have since forgiven myself for turning his disappointment into my shame and doubt. Those were choices I made at that moment that impacted my life decisions for many years.

It wasn’t until I began my spiritual journey that I discovered my awareness of my Self. I also discovered that I had the power to release the limiting stories that I created.

My father was a loving man who provided well for his family. He was determined to create a “better” life, which to him meant earning enough money so there would always...be enough.

His approach to money was to work hard, never give up and do as much as humanly possible to succeed. It was all about doing first, having success, then being happy.

My brothers succeeded using the Do-Have-Be formula. But I always seemed to miss a crucial step.

The problem for me, as a woman, was translating my father’s lessons about money into something I could relate to, so I could discover and create from my source of power.

Money has a feminine side

For many years, money and I didn’t get along. It was a strained relationship that I tried to control with doing. Focus more, work harder, strive for the next promotion, raise, etc. Even though I followed all of the “rules,” it never felt comfortable. I always seemed to be the one asking for money instead of standing in my creative potential as a woman.

It wasn’t until I discovered that money has a feminine side that I began to feel equal. I looked behind the curtain and discovered that money loves to play with creativity, joy, and compassion. I also discovered that women have natural superpowers to discover and cultivate as they step into a healthy relationship with money.

It’s as if women have a secret bank account of wealth accessible at any time, but no one told us about it. Instead, we have been taught that the only way to be with money is to use masculine energy, the doing energy of planning, data-supported step-by-step goals.

Instead of beginning with doing, women learn to start with being. Women create from the inside-out, so what better way to approach money than to step inside to communicate?

Since life is all about you and your growth, why not realign your relationship with money? It’s never too late to peacefully create abundant wealth.

A Bonus for Empowered Wayers

One of my most popular courses is Alchemize Your Wealth in 5 Days. It is a short course with deep impact, because you come away with a different perspective about money.

Just for Empowered Way subscribers, use the coupon code “wealth” to access the course for free. And please let me know your insights, feedback, etc.

Blessings,

Kathryn