Hello Empowered Wayers!
I have been on a pilgrimage through the sacred sites of France. Starting in Marseilles, we traveled to St. Baume, Sainte-Marie-de-la-Mer, Rennes la Chateau, Carcassonne, and finally Chartres. We visited the places known to revere the sacred feminine.
I was moved by the stories shared for centuries and the energy of each site. The reverence reserved for these holy sites was humbling and inspiring.
The surprising lessons of my pilgrimage occurred in Chartres. Out of 25 people, 1/3 of the group got COVID, including yours truly. All of the fear and judgment from 2020 came roaring back, and it threw me. Isolation, disappointment, and resentment was my experience, until I remembered a poem by Rumi, called “The Guest House.”
I raged against reality
As I navigated COVID and the emotions it carried, a reckoning occurred. I had to look myself in the mirror and acknowledge I was now separate from the group. Old fears of abandonment and rejection came roaring into my awareness, threatening to suffocate me with their incessant barrage of lack, limitation, and unworthiness.
The assault intensified when I listened to a recording of the group sessions. At the end of one session, the spiritual leader asked for prayers “for those of us who were not ready to be here.”
That statement ignited a tsunami of anger, resentment, and judgment. What did she mean, “I wasn’t worthy to be there”? My spiritual health was being devalued by my physical health. This blatant dismissal was not what I paid thousands of dollars to experience.
That night, I woke up at 2:00 a.m. and the entire nasty monologue started again in my head. It wasn’t until I took a deep breath and asked myself, “What if she was right? that the incessant barrage of indignation, judgment, and shame stopped. Maybe I wasn’t ready to be with the group. The cold hard fact that I couldn’t escape was that I had COVID and they didn’t.
Was there more to this unexpected situation? Were lessons lurking behind my messy emotions? Why was this so hard?
I live in the Guest House
As I waited for an answer, I suddenly had the urge to look up a poem by Rumi, called “The Guest House.”
The Guest House by Rumi
This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.
A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
as an unexpected visitor.
Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they’re a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still, treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.
The dark thought, the shame, the malice,
meet them at the door laughing,
and invite them in.
Be grateful for whoever comes,
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.
Reading this poem after my emotional storm calmed and anchored me. I was able to breathe through the residue of anger and realize that I could treat each emotion as a guest and guide from beyond. My perspective slowly shifted from injustice and fear to love and compassion.
I learned that I am more than my body or circumstances, bigger than other people’s opinions, filters or attitudes. But the ability to welcome the perceptions of judgment, fear, and shame as honored guests did not come easily.
It was only after I walked the Chartres labyrinth that I realized I was holding onto my own perception of these events. I had made the mistake of adopting other’s fears and behaviors as the definition of my value and worth. There was something waiting for me behind the curtain of my small self.
The Labyrinth as a Forgiveness Experience
The stone labyrinth inside the Chartres Cathedral is the largest inlaid labyrinth in the world. As you stand inside the Cathedral, the immense space created by 12 story columns is breathtaking. Designed to inspire awe and worship, the Cathedral has been the destination of pilgrims for 1,000 years.
The highlight of our trip to Chartres was to walk the labyrinth at night after the Cathedral was closed to the public. Our group of 25 would be the only participants, accompanied by singing from three vocalists. Sadly, the COVID group of 7 women were not allowed to join this sacred ritual (even though we could have walked with masks, after the other group finished).
My guest house was full of resentment, anger, and a strong sense of injustice. I struggled to meet these unwelcome guests “at the door, laughing.”
The afternoon of the group walk, a strong thunderstorm roared through Chartres. Strong winds and heavy rains knocked out the electricity in the entire region. After the storm, I walked through the streets of the Old Town, and again saw my attachment to the unwelcome guests. I knew that the group’s labyrinth walk could be in jeopardy, and I prayed they would be able to have that sacred experience.
As soon as I focused on the others instead of my own situation, I felt a release and shift in perspective. And the thought emerged, “What if I am blessed to have this experience?”
New possibilities opened before me. Every since I can remember, my core fears are abandonment and rejection. I joined this trip with the intention to finally release them. What if this was the reason I got COVID? It didn’t have anything to do with how I was being treated or the perceived injustice. Instead, this situation was the perfect opportunity to finally see beyond these ancient fears and release them.
As I stopped to consider the new sense of awareness, another thought hit me like a freight train. I was in the perfect place to heal. Chartres has spiritual energies that have helped millions of people for thousands of years. Why not me?
That night, as the group walked the labyrinth, I forgave myself for believing fear’s message of unworthiness. I surrendered my attachment to victim hood and released my judgment of others. Finally, I meditated to reconnect with the Presence of Love.
During the meditation, a quote from Eckhart Tolle was shared.
Only Presence can undo the past in you and
thus transform your state of consciousness.
The next day, we walked the labyrinth during the public hours. The path leads to the center, represented by six petals. The location of the center is a holy space where you communicate directly with God. As you leave the center and retrace your steps, you carry Divine Energy with you.
It was crowded but I discovered myself again, standing in the center of the six petals. Tears flowed down my face as I heard, “Give it all to me.” The Presence of Love was with me all along, waiting for me to release and receive.
And so, I did. I just let go. It was easy when I found something bigger to hold me - Love.
The Takeaway
I hope my pilgrimage has inspired you to look at your shadows and fears. No matter how or why you created them, please know that there is a loving Presence standing behind them, waiting for you to let go of the past and receive Love.
Be grateful for whoever comes,
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.
And maybe, just maybe, you can let it all go. And see yourself and your life as a Guest House, filled with experiences and emotions that are sent to you as a guide from beyond. As your perspective shifts and you regain your balance, gratitude fills you to the brim.
You are here to experience this messy, unpredictable, glorious life. In the darkest of hours, as you release your grip on what you think you know, a thought will appear. You came from Love and you are Loved. Become the Presence of Love and your heart opens to receive.
Grab hold of that thought and welcome it, because it came “as a guide from beyond.”
Many blessings,
Kathryn
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